My spirit is broken and I don’t have the means, energy, or resilience to put it back together. I swore I’d never be here in this desolate place again and certainly not like this. The hate in my heart is stronger than my mind and I can’t control it. I hate you. I hate this. I hate ME! I hate me for being so naive to believe the lies you fed me on a silver platter. They tasted so good from the moment they entered my mouth and I digested every single lie like it was the world’s most decadent meal I’d ever eaten. I swallowed that shit like I hadn’t eaten in weeks. All the years of training my mind to be stronger than my emotions meant nothing. It is nothing because I am nothing. I feel nothing. I look in the mirror and I see nothing looking back. You took my pride away. You stripped me of the little shred of dignity I had left and you left me naked and alone. I am at my lowest and I can’t get up. You kicked me and I stayed down. The only thing I have left in me is the anger and resentment I feel for you. For what you did to me. For the place you left me in. For abandoning me after you left me low. For reminding me I was never good enough to be a choice. For instilling in me this level of self hatred I can’t seem to shake. I hate you and as much as I’d like to say I don’t, as badly as I want to regurgitate those words the second they leave my lips, I can’t. I hate you with every fiber of my being. I hate that you have placed me in this mental state to feel so much and so little for you when I felt everything for you before. I felt one with you. I felt lost in you. Now here I am alone and facing my demons one by one. The thought of you ceasing to exist brings me a chilling peace I fear. I have never been more afraid of my thoughts as I am now. I have never been more alone than I am now. I have never been more hurt than I am now. I have never been more humiliated than I am now. You took away my touch with all the good in my life and i feel nothing. I am nothing.