And it’s in these still, silent moments when my emotions race faster than my thoughts and all words fail to form that I am the saddest and at my lowest. And it’s in these moments that I just want to hop in my car & drive with no destination in sight. Anything to escape the suffocation I feel when I try to process these feelings I can’t seem to drift away from. I am in love with him & I have no escape from that reality. No solace or comfort. No welcoming, open arms awaiting loves grand entrance. I have me, my lonely, cold bed, & those impeding thoughts of….you. Because it is you who I desire, crave, think of the minute I open my eyes and the second I fall asleep. Those sweet dreams of you, that chocolate skin, and that charisma. I love everything about you down to your brokenness, your hurt, & your shame that you bury deep away from me. I love that way your voice inflects & deepens when you go into character or pump your gas as we say. Your love isn’t forced like my last relationship…it fucking flows so natural it scares the shit out of me. How am I this in love when I haven’t known you that long, but yet you feel like home. I am…ME with you. I am silly, rambunctious, curious, obedient yet still rebellious, reserved and comical. I keep myself balanced most when I am with you or talking to you. You add something I cannot replicate or care to remember ever encountering in the first place yet I desire it so deeply I shake to my core. You have lit a fire in me that runs it’s course from my mind that you constantly stimulate down to my heart you hold so fucking tender. You keep showing me that I’m not just a good time. You love me. And it’s not that warm fuzzy feeling but rather the action you show in small, meaningful ways. You listen and remember which shows me you’re thoughtful and attentive. You give me as much time as you can in our circumstance and you are open. You don’t tire of me and you make sure that I know I’m on your mind and loved. Unlike the pressures of anyone else, I desire only to be drowned in your presence. I don’t want to do anything but spend time alone with you naked and open and raw. Peeling back more layers of you and seeing your hidden depth, your astuteness, & your heart that beats so big for almost anyone that crosses your path. You are beautiful King and you better recognize your worth….because I do. And you are more valuable than rubies & gold. To have a heart that has lived through the things you have and still have the capacity to love in this world alone. You are royalty indeed my love and I admire your glory. So much love, yet the pain lingers suffocating the air with it’s overwhelming presence. I want you to be my future, my everything blended with my everything. You are magnanimous, but not mine. Kind but not mine. Handsome but not mine. My soul mate but not mine. Love is knowing and unpossessive. I won’t try to possess you, because knowing you is a gift in itself. So for now, I’ll suffer and let the pain linger until my heart makes me face what reality could be…